I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
