I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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