standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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