You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
