This house was built for laser tag.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
