you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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