Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
