I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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