I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize