Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
