Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
