20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
