sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
