I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
