He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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