ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
