So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
