I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
