I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
