can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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