Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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