You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
