Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
