she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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