Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
