I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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