I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
