Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
