I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize