i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
