Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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