Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
