And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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