; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
