I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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