You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
