I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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