What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
