im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
