...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
