today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
