But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
