Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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