First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
