i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't turn off my feet"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
