SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
