I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
