Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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