Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
