Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
