its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
