Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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