We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
