My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
