so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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