his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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