i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
