I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
