Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dick very happy bro
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