I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize