If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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