Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There r osticjed everywhere
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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