wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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