I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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