I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
