So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize