well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
