Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
