So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
