Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
