just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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