a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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