Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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