I wannas sexs uuuuu
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
