Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i have two assholes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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