I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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