i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
